Our weekend seems to have once again flown by..... Friday spent at a yard sale with Amber and Alexxis, and upon returning home I decided to keep "Doodlebug" and give mommy a much needed break. Alexxis is becoming such a fun little girl to hang out with and to enjoy. She is discovering more and more of the world around her. She reaches and grasps everything in her way... including grammies bi-focals, LOL! Her hand and eye co-ordination skills are continually developing, she learning to be more vocal. Her newest thing is "growling" LOL! It is so funny! You look at this sweet adorable little girl and out comes this growl to which she giggles with delight! She is beginning to eat! Baby food jars of fruit, fruit juices, and cereal make up the majority of her diet, although she still loves her bottle! I had her until 9:30-10 o'clock and if it wasn't for Chaos making such a ruckus while outside, I would have kept her overnight.
On Saturday Don worked while I felt truly inspired. I got nothing new created but the ideas for creations seemed to pour out of me. If only I could create theings as fast as I envision creating! Don returned home and desired to take me out for dinner since I've been dutifully working away in our home the last several weeks, so we took a short road trip over to Lexington to eat at the Dutch Heritage restaurant. Delicious Amish cooked buffet...... yumm! After eating, we drove into Galion and visited with Dennis and Sheila for a while, catching up with one another's lives before returning home to rest and relax.
Yesterday, we spent some time in the morning and early afternoon watching TV. I watched a few episodes of Wive Swap. This is the first time I have watch this reality based show so I was a bit surprised by how different some of the people being featured on this show live from our own daily lives. I could see how life truly is made up of being in a constant state of determining balance so I guess that I too walked away with something from watching it. In the afternoon, Don was restless and suggested we take a drive...... one of those going-no-where-in-particular rides.
We ended up in Lima, Don desiring to drive to Ft. Worth! I persuaded him to stay in Lima where we ventured into Pier 1 Imports and simply browsed. Another stop into TJ Maxx where I picked up Alexxis a new outfit ---a pair of pants, a top, and a vest set --- in a 12 months size. Hopefully, that will get her through the winter. As we headed back east, towards home, neither of us desiring to come back too early, Don suggested what I was thinking about, stopping in Kenton at KMart. We browsed there, I found two more outfits for Alexxis...... both reasonably priced, one 2pc. reg. priced 4.99 each for a sale price of 2/$7 and another pants and shirt for $9.99. I ventured into the Toys Department and found several things on clearance and another couple of toys for regular price. I found a Fisher Price light up musical stacker, a mucical toy that plays, "Itsy Bitsy Spider", a Baby Eistein Frog that sings, counts, and says the alphabet, and a child's walking assisting toy that feautures a multitude of other things, and a pull along caterpillar. Some of the toys were age appropriate for her.... 6 months, while a few of the others were items she will grow into. I also found some fleece blanket sleepers with the feet in an 18 month size, so all these things went into a layaway for Christmas.
Upon returning to our hometown, I stopped at Amber's to give her the 3 outfits I'd purchased for Alexxis. I thought that it would help to ease her mind a little, as I know that they are struggling some financially. Chris was recently laid off from his job and Amber is still looking for something part-time so she can spend some time with Alexxis.
My heart feels so heavy for her. She is becoming depressed, and tearfully tells me that this isn't the life that she envisioned for her daughter. I feel terrible, wishing that somehow I could help, yet knowing that I am doing what I can, when we can - to try to assist them and that we cannot do it all for them. It is so hard sometimes, drawing those boundaries ........ although I know Amber is grateful for what I am doing, I can sense a kind of resentment towards me for doing what she isn't able to do right now. She has been self-reliant for a long time.... even working full-time while in high school, earning and saving for her car, insurance, clothes. Of course, I've always been able to help off and on and ease some of the tight spots, I know going through this stage in her life is difficult for her.
I try not to say anything... not desiring for her to take my intentions the wrong way. I know she feels like she has let herself, Chris, and Alexxis down and doesn't need me to interfere. I struggle with those boundaries daily... when to say or do something, how much is enough and how much is too much. And I know I have to let her go and figure some of these things out on her own. It is just difficult to see your children unhappy........ yet Alexxis certainly knows how to bring a smile to face and make her realize what is truly important in life! In the meantime, I do what I can without being taken advantage of, and watch as their lives unfold, knowing someday it will all come together for her and regardless of it all that I am here. She isn't too comfort with that right now but still appreciates it.
I honestly believe this is probably the hardest thing that I have ever had to do in my entire life... let go of my child. You think that you're ready for it when it happens, then miss them so terribly, try to be there and guide them.... gently yet not step on their toes in the process. As a mother you just want to wipe all their pain, their tears away, and tell them that it is going to be alright, and encourage them a little bit more to never let go of their dreams.
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