A called in emergency visit to my chiropractor this morning has left me feeling a bit of relief and whole lot of soreness. Barely being able to move is definately no fun! I was treated with warm moist towels, which felt heavy when first applied, followed by a lasar treatment to stimulate inflammed areas around my vertebras before being re-aligned once again, left me feeling drained. I've gained an entirely new perspective for others who suffer from chronic illnesses. I know all too well the frustration of barely being able to do the everyday things that we so often tend to take for granted such as bathing and dressing oneself. I remember reading someone's journal a while ago who explained having a chronic illness as "having so many pennies to spend" and determining how best to spend them by doing the day to day things and today, I can definately relate.
Another thing that I've noticed, is that pain is really subjective when it is the topic of conversation. We may be able to empathize with another as they talk about their pain, but somewhere in the back of our minds, we wonder how much or the amount of pain a person has, and think to ourselves surely cannot be as bad as all that! I can honestly say from experience, I am so sorry to anyone with whom I've ever spoken to and have thought those thoughts. It definately is a entirely different ballgame when it is you that is experiencing it.
I don't know what the solution to all of this is for me, but I have a follow-up visit on Friday. Somedays, I think maybe we need to take a more aggressive form of treatment; other days I wonder if maybe we need to lay off for a bit. But I do know, it is a very frustrating cycle. I feel a bit better then try to do more than what I am currently able to turn around and pay dearly for it a few days later, to only end up flat on my back once again. I'm irritable, I'm tired, I'm sick and tired of being in pain and sick and tired of being tired. I want my life back, back to where it was before this damn accident. I want some good days, without pain, without paying for them later. I want some peace from this physical, mental, emotional roller coaster ride. I'm sick and I want to get off!!!
I'm trying to take it all in stride, rest when I must, do what I can when I am able and it is hell. Pure hell. That is the only way to truly describe it. I've had others ask "what can I do for you?" and I wish I had an answer for them. Today, I don't know I can even do for myself. The resting, reading, watching TV, the small craft projects and everything else that I somehow find to do to keep my mind off of this isn't working today. I'm irritable, grumping, and grouchy and I'm having a really bad day.
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