Monday, January 08, 2007

A Matter of Perception...

After working in the studio today, I had a host of other "To Do" items on my list:

* Go to UPS to ship a paper rack;
* Pick up Amber from work
* Go to the Post Office to send a few important letters, the Lace ATC swap, and pick up postage stamps for my stationery suitcase, ect.

While at the Post Office, Don noticed having to pump the breaks in our Ford Ranger to get it to slow down. Instantly thinking, our breaks are going out, he very cautiously made our way to our mechanics, once again. Sure enough, upon our safe arrival, we learned a break supply line leading to the master cylinder has broken and now requires immediate replacement.

However, what really shocked me was my reaction to it. Normally, I'd be upset, almost angry from being so disappointed, thinking to myself, "when it rains; it pours!" but today was different. Even in a recent conversation with my friend, Sheila commented that she noticed something seems different about me. Well, that is because there is something different!

It is a matter of perspective... of seeing the glass as half-empty or as half-full. Lately, I've noticed that I have been bummed. I have been down and out. I have been no fun to be around because it somehow seemed no matter how little or how big my personal problems were, I perceived my glass to always be half empty. I believe a lot of that perception came from comparing myself to other people, to the perceptions that I made and created for myself. It took me a while to realize this but when I did notice it, I am afraid to admit that it almost became a habit with me. I would instantly cringe and think, "Oh No! Here we go again!" when in reality, it was me and how I perceived it! Once I realized and seen this in myself, I gained some knowledge, some powerful knowledge about myself. I did not like the way I perceived things, nor did I like the way I reacted because of that perception. I also realized that there was only one thing for me to do --- change my perception!

Well, let's just say that I am working on it. I am trying to stay positive, to chase those thoughts away. I can assure you it has not been easy; it is a constant struggle. I find myself catching and asking myself, "why do I want to think and feel this way?" What do I actually accomplish with this thinking and this behavior that stems from it?" and you know what? I came to realize something else, I do not accomplish anything positive from it. In fact, the opposite is true. I make myself miserable, unhappy, and unpleasant. I acted just like I felt, half-empty. Lacking something of some unknown substance, feeling like I was missing out, and feelings that I desired some sort of expectation or entitlement to something. Well, I was missing out, alright. I was missing out on myself because I was letting myself down. It wasn't the things that were going wrong, it was me heading down a long, hard, wrong road.

Once I changed my perception, and started seeing the glass half-full vs. half-empty, I realized that I have been blessed in so many ways. Most of them too numerous to count. I have learned to be grateful, not because of what I or someone else expected, or because I am owed or entitled to something, but because blessings are a gift. Gifts that are bestowed by the grace of God to be counted as blessings.

It doesn't mean that I wish our truck's break line wouldn't have broke, it means that I have realized now that I've been blessed with a mode of transportation to break down! It means I'm thankful to have the health that I do, the house to call a home, food to eat, clothes to keep me warm, people who desire to call me their friend, and recognize me as family! It means my heart is now an open, empty vessel waiting to be filled with blessings such as those bestowed onto me by the grace of God that makes me, well ME... and to fill up the days of my life. As I acknowledged and learned this lesson, my cup overflowed with joy!

I know many people may read this and wonder why in the world I would post such an open and honest and personal thing. And my answer is... I would love to bless you with this knowledge. I hope someone can learn something from my shortcomings, I hope you are blessed with wisdom and I hope you will remember to count your blessing, too.

Lately, I've been desiring to get back to working on my Gratitude Garland. Can you guess what my first blessing is going to be? "I am grateful to God. For teaching me life lessons. For blessing me with knowledge so that I can make wise decisions. And for bestowing me with the wisdom to be able to recognize the difference between feeling half-empty to knowing my life is half-full; and knowing the other half is a vessel waiting to be filled."

Sure, our truck still needs its brakes fixed, but more importantly, so didn't my heart.

1 comment:

Shari Carroll said...

Hi Cathy,
In recent years I had felt what you are saying, but eventually for me, I wasn't able to bounce back from the little woes of the days. I had become reactive to situations out of my control. My doctor put me on Celexa for anxiety and symtoms of menapause. I wish I had gone on this years ago, I feel like my old self again with a lot less worries.

Good luck to you as you recognize your perception and continue to look on the bright side. :o)

Shari