Saturday plans...

I sit here and find myself wanting to apologize for my last dis-heartening post,only to realize I've nothing to apologize for. My life is very confusing at the moment and that is okay for me to feel this way. Somehow, someway, I know that I'll sort all these conflicting emotions out.

I think that maybe its possible that I'm feeling this way because later today Don and I will be heading over to Sheila and Dennis's to get a jump start on our preparations for tomorrow's Easter dinner. Sheila and I decided that during another telephone call later in the evening last night, to make a few things up today. Shortly after Don returns home from work, we'll head over there to begin.

As I sit here, typing up this post, have to wonder if these feelings I'm experiencing aren't a reminder to myself, that as much as I want to be there for my sister and friend, I need to set and establish some sort of a boundaries for myself as well. Lord knows, I can be and become co-dependant. It's sometimes too easy to inadvertently to take one another's pain so much that you'd think it was happening to me. It isn't like I don't want to be there for my friend, its just a reminder for me to allow her to experience and feel and to sort things out for herself in her way. I can be still be there to support her through this when I can but that I need to remember to take time for me, my own feelings, and my health. I don't believe co-dependency is a bad thing, if it's kept in check. I often think that my sense of empathy for others is both a blessing and a curse and this is definitely one of those times. I ask myself what I'd say to her or to anyone else feeling this way, and my answer is to somehow find a way to look on and for a bright side of the situation. Maybe somehow I can help her to feel that way. My heart tells me that just my presence will be enough, just as her presence will be enough for me. I realize that I've never had a friend quite like Sheila. She's like one of my own sister's as well as a friend. That feeling is mutual and we've adopted one another families into that circle, possibly adding to the confusion and mixed emotions that I'm feeling. Maybe its my heart and instincts telling me I need to back off just a bit and be more of a friend, allowing her own "true" family to be the family she needs to be leaning on right now. Whatever it is... I need to brighten up my own mood before we head out. I've gotta find some faith and certainty that things will somehow work themselves out.

Anyways, I'm sorry for the "sour" mood, and I hope that I didn't bring my blog readers down. Perhaps, I simply share too much of myself and what I'm feeling... My next post will be a better one, I promise! {half-hearted smiles}