The other day, Oprah, did a show on Autism. I don't figure that I'm much different that half the population of the world who doesn't know much about Autism, so I found her show very enlightening. Heck, I know more about it now than I ever have. As I watched I got tears in my eyes, and tugs at my heartstrings for the families featured on the show. I loved how one father said, that Autism and the behaviors featured by by his son, was a blessing to his life. {My short version and interpretation...} But I also found it very scary... as the show progressed and the discussion of once healthy and happy children were so suddenly struck with Autism and how hard it was to reach it as a final diagnosis. Add in the fact that so little is known about it and its wide spectrum of effects, and I soon became fearful.
As a new grandmother and a parent, I was shocked, truly, and completely by it. My thoughts quickly turned to my grand-daughter, Alexxis, and how important it was for me to pay attention to this. I listened as parent's of Autistic children talked about the symptoms their children displayed and what they believe contributed to their child's evolvement of the disease. I made mental notes of warning signs and when I had Alexxis last night, I caught myself looking for any of them, quite fearfully.
I guess its my medical experience and background, rearing its head, but I'm a firm believer the knowledge is power and that early intervention with any type of disease is best. So, I want to arm myself with information and knowledge and be ever so watchful. I suddenly found myself praying once again, asking God to spare not only my grand-daughter, but so many other children from this heart-breaking disease. I asked for healing, for improvement, for more information and understanding for everyone. As well as research and an end to it with treatments and even a vaccine. I asked for strength to deal with the fear. I beleive our fears can truly interfere with our ability to move past things in our lives. I know I tend to not deal with some of my own fears, pushing them out of my mind and my life and chosing not to deal with them rather than meeting them head-on. I, also, learned that this is something I shouldn't do... making that choice. Instead I need to embrace that fear and arm myself with information and do whatever it is that is within my power to do. I wonder what our world and lives would be like if only we, as human beings, all thought that way? I ask myself alot of "What if's?" especially when I feel that as human beings, we've barely touched the surface of all of our capabilities. What if we helped one another out more to be and to become all that God intended for us? What would our world and our lives be like then? I know I'll probably never the answer to that in my lifetime but I shouldn't certainly let that interfere with my learning. Life is filled with learning, and the alternative to not learning isn't very encouraging either.
I'm in a quite a solemn mood today... and I believe it comes from trying to process all these mixed up emotions and heartbreaks that I've felt and experienced recently. My emotions have been definately running through a mix of pain and pleasure. Everything from experiencing the heartbreak with my friend, Sheila, to the happiness and joy of my time with Alexxis. The good days and bad days, as I continue on my journey of healing from the car accident in December. I don't have any real answers, but somehow in my heart, I feel as if these feelings are reminding me of God's promises that life should go on. That there is a circle that needs to continue, and that life and death is all a part of a much larger picture. One that right now, I'm having a hell of time trying to wrap my mind and heart around. Maybe, I need to get off this computer and find some "sunshine" on this cloudy day....
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