I was struck by a horoscope email that I had opened just that morning, which read, "Feel like you're stubbing your toes on all those rungs of your career ladder? It might be time to take a break. They call it a rat race for a reason, you know. Appreciate the smaller, realer glories in life." Which truly seemed to be hitting the nail on the head. I do believe in Astrology, although can be a skeptic from time to time when a reading is vague and generalized in such a way it could almost pertain to anyone at any given time. However, this one seemed to be one of those "whisper's from God" telling me I did the right thing. For now, I simply must trust he has something better in store for me and find the faith to wait for whatever it is to appear before I take another leap.
Sometimes it seems the entire universe is speaking to you, just not in words that you want, desire, or need to hear. Sometimes, I think I've learned to read the signals and signs that come my way, hopefully not missing any, and often they come in these unexpected moments and ways that are not always the obvious or the expected. I'm definately learning to listen to your my heart, trusting my intuition, and hopefully one day can actually begin following this through to the discovery of my dreams.
For now, I just need to trust that as my life begins to change in yet another magical way after being open to the experience of life AS IT IS {or in my case, was...} vs. the denial and illusions of what I want or desire it to be. I've came to know that with acceptance of some circumstances, I stop fighting and struggling against what is happening and those inner desires, creating some sense of calm and peacefulness., even if there is doubts and uncertainity. I can only believe that this will create a little more space in my life, an opening, for somethig new to unfold. It's been said many times, "When God closes a door, he opens a window" Hopefully, it is a window of new opportunity, one in which I won't feel like such an outsider looking in longingly wishing to belong.
I think I wear my heart on my sleeve, having preconceived hopes and desires, that lead me to be let down when in reality things are not what I expected or hoped they'd be. But I do know that from what I've seen and overheard, that wasn't what I was expecting and hoping for myself or for my life for that matter. I'm thankful and blessed that at least I can realize that; for I truly do not wish to become part of what I saw, thought, and felt in what short time I was there.
I believe each and every one of us have an innate sense to simply belong, to find our own place in this world, and once it is discovered we'll find that sense of bliss and contentment. Unfortunately, it often involves waiting and finding that inner patience to perserve in spite of it all. I, also, think there are lessons that we learn along the way that assist us once we finally arrive.
I discovered this quote that seems to sum this journal post up:
""Sometimes what seems like surrender isn't surrender at all. It's about what's going on in our hearts. About seeing clearly the way life is and accepting it and being true to it, whatever the pain, because the pain of not being true to it is far, far greater."
~ Nicholas Evans
and I believe there is a lot of truth in that statement. {*smile*}
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